By Sandra Abrahams, Children’s Ministry Pastor
“Do you love me?”
Have you ever heard your child ask you this? Well, if you have heard these words it means their love tank is running low.
Dr. Gary Chapman is the creator and founder of the 5 Love Languages. There are 5 ways to show love and each kid needs to be shown love in an individual way.
The five love languages are:
Words of affirmation
Physical touch
Quality Time
Gifts
Acts of service
Each of us has a love tank that needs to be filled and can only be truly filled once our Love Language is discovered and acted upon. If you are not sure what your child’s love language is, one simple way is to watch and see what love language they do the most, what we give is oftentimes what we desire.
Our need to be loved and validated is at the core of who we are. Our royal identity comes from our Heavenly Father however it is the job of a parent, grandparent, teacher, coach (adult) to partner with God to ensure our kids are walking around with full love tanks.
How do we do that, you might ask? I suggest partnering with Holy Spirit daily for a suggestion on how to love our kids full to the brim! Here are a few suggestions I have that may help you to get started.
Words of Affirmation
Have you ever seen a child burst with pride when a parent/adult has praised an activity or project? This is exactly how to fill the love tank of a Words of Affirmation kid. Look for opportunities to acknowledge a kind act, or a good grade, or your pleasure in their behaviour. Be sure to slow down the moment and look them in the eye, speak your words of love and encouragement and watch their love tank gauge go from empty to full!
For example, you could keep a few cards around, fill them with encouragement and leave them in surprise locations for them to find e.g in their pillowcase, backpack, lunch bag, bible etc. You could write a loving message on their mirror with Crayola Window markers to start their day off feeling filled with love.
Physical touch
This is one of the easiest love languages to fulfill. Hugs, high fives, cuddles, pats on the back, kisses, a fun wrestle or a cuddle fest during a family movie night are all ways to fill that love tank. Although this is the easiest to fill, this language is often the quickest to hit the low end of the tank. The great news is if this is your child’s love language, an intentional hug can swiftly get them right back up to full on the fuel gauge. One example might be to have a special handshake that only you and your child have created. It is not meant to be duplicated with anyone else.
Quality Time
This takes a little bit of planning and sincerity. A fake or rushed attempt to spend time with a Quality Time kid can be seen a mile away. The key to this language is right in the title- quality. This love language is not about money it is about “how much of your time did you put aside for me?” this child wants to know that you have carved out a “special time” for them with no other distractions taking away from their time.
An example of this could be a special store that only you go to with them or a special Youtuber that only you and the child watch together. A special time during the week that the child knows is just for you and them, the act can change each week. Just watch them blossom once they are acknowledged in a special way.
Gifts
This seems like the hardest Love Language to fill – it’s not (it’s the best, in my opinion, :D) Gifts children are not gauging the cost of the gift they are gauging “you thought of me”. This love language can be fulfilled easily by just thinking about the person. One of my best gifts I have ever received was from a group of friends who painted rocks and put googly eyes on them and then wrote on the back of the rock their favourite characteristic of me. That is a perfect example of how the gift does not have to cost much – it’s the effort that is put behind the gift! Keep a little treasure trunk full of inexpensive gifts (all year long, I look for items on sale or clearance). It could be comic books, their favourite candy, t-shirts, gift cards, a funny card or a little toy.
Look for when there is a frown – pop out one of your little gifts and watch their love tank shoot up to full in an instant!
Acts of Service
This act requires paying attention to the little things. For Acts of Service kids, it’s all about helping. We sometimes forget as adults that kids can get overwhelmed and worn out as well. Like us, when a kid feels considered they feel loved. An example of this would be when your kids have a very heavy homework load, or is just plain “screened” out to say to them “you don’t have to make your bed for the weekend, I know you have been so busy this week, I want to recognize that you have been working really hard.” Or empty the dishwasher when it’s their turn. With Act of Service, it’s always important that you clearly state the act of service and the reason for the grace, otherwise, the act can be overlooked in the hustle of it all.
Do you want to be a better parent?
Do you want happier children?
More peace in your home?
Then learning your family’s LOVE LANGUAGE can change the whole atmosphere of your home! Taking the time to find out their love language is so easy and beneficial. Here is a free link to do the test with your kids https://www.liveworksheets.com/po340231dn. For more detailed information, I highly recommend Dr. Chapman’s book “The 5 Love Languages for Children”
Have a great week and get to “fill in your family’s love tanks”!
